you crushed it, Levi. the recurring object of the "Sears-avercado green phone," the way you take the reader along the path of the phone cord to the closet and then retrace the steps after the shooting, the smells of breakfast, the dialect. it all works. we're in that house, in that closet, seeing and smelling everything the narrator sees and smells.
Thanks, Bryan! I tried, I really tried! Maybe the dialect was a bit overbearing at times. Does it slip from a Boston accent to maybe a southern one halfway through? Maybe. Who knows. But I did think I achieved space and movement, which was my main goal. Thanks for reading and writing your own!
I love these types of games. An old tattoo buddy of mine and I used to play a similar game back in the day—one where we would draw each other's tattoos every so often. We wouldn’t tell the other one how to shade the image; it was up to our own imagination. It was always fun to see how your friend would render your drawing.
This converts!
you crushed it, Levi. the recurring object of the "Sears-avercado green phone," the way you take the reader along the path of the phone cord to the closet and then retrace the steps after the shooting, the smells of breakfast, the dialect. it all works. we're in that house, in that closet, seeing and smelling everything the narrator sees and smells.
Thanks, Bryan! I tried, I really tried! Maybe the dialect was a bit overbearing at times. Does it slip from a Boston accent to maybe a southern one halfway through? Maybe. Who knows. But I did think I achieved space and movement, which was my main goal. Thanks for reading and writing your own!
I love these types of games. An old tattoo buddy of mine and I used to play a similar game back in the day—one where we would draw each other's tattoos every so often. We wouldn’t tell the other one how to shade the image; it was up to our own imagination. It was always fun to see how your friend would render your drawing.
What a read! A great story!