- it felt like "One Shit Storm After Another" was careening towards a tragedy, but it didn't, and that's why the little story worked so well
- I spent a lot of time with someone who could have benefited from the resentment list exercise, though I suspect it would have ended in "can you believe how many assholes I've had to deal with all my life?"
I’m still writing the book with Gary, never fear! He will see the light of day.
With One Shit Storm, I feel I may just be starting that story. But I have been trying to lean less into absolute tragedy with stories like that, ones that feel like they are already heading there from the jump.
Letting go of resentment was a lifesaver for me! I would have been a far more miserable ass than I am had I not done it then and continually, every day.
I felt the stay at home dad line. 17 years ago when my youngest was born and I had just finished school I tried unsuccessfully to find a job. I couldn’t. My ex wife had to go back to work 2 months after giving birth and I stayed home. The shame was a heavy carry.
Pride is a mother fucker. I’m sure you’re past these feelings now. But if not, I offer this reframe: life often presents us with circumstances that can seem difficult, and maybe, when we look back on them, they were exactly what we needed. Maybe YOU needed that time with your kiddo, that early connection, more than your wife did. That connection was now written into her DNA. And maybe SHE needed to feel vital and alive; maybe she needed to feel a sense of purpose again, outside of being a mom or a wife.
I can’t say any of these things for certain; I am not now, nor have I ever been, either of you, but I have known those feelings, those situations. Whatever came out of it was exactly what was supposed to.
You hit it on the nose and are exactly the right. It did happen that way for a reason. It was just hard to see as I was going through it. Thankfully I realized what I had with my daughter and let the feelings go.
Hate is rooted in fear, usually our fears that the world will hurt us, not accept us, or that we won’t get what we want, love, money, prestige, or comfort. And when we hate, we let fear into our bones. We let that fear drive us from within. We think that because our hands are on the steering wheel, we are in control, but fear is now our GPS, and we don’t even know it.
To quote a book I don’t like, “Fear is the mind killer.”
To accept one’s fears, to see the many facets in which it controls us, to see that it drives the car, is one of the first steps to true power.
Fight Club is rooted in the 12-step ethos in many ways. It’s why a lot of people misunderstand the book/movie. They think Tyler is bringing the narrator into real life, when in actuality, he is separating him from it. Yes, those corporations and false ideals are not great. Still, when the narrator and the rest of the people who follow the fight club/Tyler’s ethos, they don’t realize they are hiding away from the reality of society, hiding from all its trappings and problems. They hate it because hating it, these people, these corporations, governments, and institutions, in hating them, that is easier than accepting them, is easier than accepting themselves and the choices they have made within these systems.
Write your story! Get those feelings out. But I compel you to be brutally honest. Don’t take the easy road, and you will be rewarded in many ways.
I do have an idea for a group of people who meet and workshop bombs. They’re disgruntled people who seek retribution against society, but they don’t see they’re the problem. It’s sort what you were getting at at 6. I’m thinking one character could be racist. Another incel. I even mentioned it on plot spoiler. It’s like liminal spaces. That’s what gave me the idea.
Retribution is a loaded word. Retribution usually pertains to violence against a person or system. It’s why we have different words.
Here’s the definition of retribution:
Retribution is the act of administering a deserved, often severe punishment in return for a wrong or injury. It is closely tied to the concepts of vengeance, payback, and getting even, serving as a way to "balance the scales" for an offense.
Here’s the definition of justice:
Justice is the ethical and philosophical principle that individuals should be treated impartially, fairly, and equitably. It is the foundation of moral behavior, social order, and the law, ensuring people receive what they are due and are held appropriately accountable for their actions.
I feel retribution is acted out of fear, where justice is acted out of understanding (in the best case scenario obviously).
Where does the desire for retribution come? Like I said, there are things in society that I see that need punishment. First I have to punish myself. Before you can punish someone else you have to punish yourself.
Retribution yet again is rooted in fear. Fear that we need to make an example of one person or a group of people, because we fear that if we do not make an example of them, the issue will come again. So we are again acting out of fear that this thing will happen to US again. The problem with this type of action is that it assumes it will stop humans from doing what they will always do. We act out of fear, out of a desire for retribution, because we think that, in doing so, we have power over an uncontrollable universe.
This does not mean justice or accountability cannot be attained, but I believe they are different from retribution.
You may not think you fear them, but you fear something they represent. I’ve found this to be the case for me. Usually, that hate for them is rooted in my fear that this person may hold some power over me, and that my money or status might be challenged. Or maybe they hold a social power, in which they play into my fears around love and friendship, that I won’t be liked. So, usually for me, when I think I hate them (which there still may be an aspect of them I dislike), when I examine it, they usually show me where fear has rooted itself in my body and mind a long, long time ago. My fear of them might have absolutely nothing to do with them, but manifests through them.
But if there’s good reason to hate someone? Sometimes people are pieces of shit. Sometimes they do need to be punished. Sometimes there does need to be retribution
Some people are not great people; this is a fact. Usually, their own actions are rooted in fear as well. So when we can realize this, we can have compassion for them. We can see they are like us, just another naked little chimp walking this planet in fear.
I’m reminded of a podcast I used to listen to, run by a few inmates at a prison. In one episode, they interviewed sexual predators, specifically child sexual predators. When I heard these men, these predators, talk about what had happened to them, what had shaped their psyches, I could feel compassion for them. This does not mean I condone their actions, but it means I could understand that they weren’t just born into the world “Evil.” People, systems, and societies shaped them along the way. Fear shaped them.
One of the men said he had been put up for parole a few years ago, and he declined it, not because he didn’t think he had come a long way emotionally through intensive therapy, but because he knew through that therapy he would never fully be absolved of those feelings. So he told the parole board, “I know if you let me out, I will do these things again. So I ask you to keep me in here, for everyone’s safety.”
Justice has been done to this man, and I feel for the families directly affected by whatever action he no doubt took on people connected to them. Still, I can see that he is a human, a very flawed one, yes, but just another human who is trying to navigate this very complicated existence.
Now, once again, this does not mean we do not get to act out of power. Now we get to act out of true power, the compassion and understanding that these people are not just purely evil, that they are flawed humans just like us, acting out of their own fears and insecurities, and now absolved of our fear of them, recognizing how they represent our deep-rooted fears, we can protect ourselves not just with healthy physical boundaries but mental ones as well.
And for some it feels so much better to hate than love cause there’s power in hate. There’s an invincibility to the feeling that hate gives there hater. Love is hard because it takes vulnerability, vulnerability is what a lot of people are afraid of.
I would argue that people think there is power in hate, but to hate something or someone, you need to think about it/them constantly. You need to be consumed by it in every fiber of your being. And so then in the end, the thing you hate then controls you, has the power, the upper hand, and therein lies the lie of the power of hate.
I can relate to 6. It feels good to hate other people and things when really that is inward. When someone has that much hate they usually hate themselves.
And I know I have a bad attitude, but there’s things in society that I can’t help but notice need punishing. There needs to be retribution.
Us GenX moms welcome you to the fold. Raising a glass of warm hose water to you.
random thoughts...
- Gary the Gay Anteater needs his own series
- Mr. Lunch is a world-class dog name
- it felt like "One Shit Storm After Another" was careening towards a tragedy, but it didn't, and that's why the little story worked so well
- I spent a lot of time with someone who could have benefited from the resentment list exercise, though I suspect it would have ended in "can you believe how many assholes I've had to deal with all my life?"
I’m still writing the book with Gary, never fear! He will see the light of day.
With One Shit Storm, I feel I may just be starting that story. But I have been trying to lean less into absolute tragedy with stories like that, ones that feel like they are already heading there from the jump.
Letting go of resentment was a lifesaver for me! I would have been a far more miserable ass than I am had I not done it then and continually, every day.
I felt the stay at home dad line. 17 years ago when my youngest was born and I had just finished school I tried unsuccessfully to find a job. I couldn’t. My ex wife had to go back to work 2 months after giving birth and I stayed home. The shame was a heavy carry.
Pride is a mother fucker. I’m sure you’re past these feelings now. But if not, I offer this reframe: life often presents us with circumstances that can seem difficult, and maybe, when we look back on them, they were exactly what we needed. Maybe YOU needed that time with your kiddo, that early connection, more than your wife did. That connection was now written into her DNA. And maybe SHE needed to feel vital and alive; maybe she needed to feel a sense of purpose again, outside of being a mom or a wife.
I can’t say any of these things for certain; I am not now, nor have I ever been, either of you, but I have known those feelings, those situations. Whatever came out of it was exactly what was supposed to.
You hit it on the nose and are exactly the right. It did happen that way for a reason. It was just hard to see as I was going through it. Thankfully I realized what I had with my daughter and let the feelings go.
The Lamborghini guy though! HA!
Hate is power like a bomb is power.
Hate is rooted in fear, usually our fears that the world will hurt us, not accept us, or that we won’t get what we want, love, money, prestige, or comfort. And when we hate, we let fear into our bones. We let that fear drive us from within. We think that because our hands are on the steering wheel, we are in control, but fear is now our GPS, and we don’t even know it.
To quote a book I don’t like, “Fear is the mind killer.”
To accept one’s fears, to see the many facets in which it controls us, to see that it drives the car, is one of the first steps to true power.
Honestly, when I read 6 a lightbulb went off in my head for that bomb story idea and it reminded me of Fight Club sort of.
Fight Club is rooted in the 12-step ethos in many ways. It’s why a lot of people misunderstand the book/movie. They think Tyler is bringing the narrator into real life, when in actuality, he is separating him from it. Yes, those corporations and false ideals are not great. Still, when the narrator and the rest of the people who follow the fight club/Tyler’s ethos, they don’t realize they are hiding away from the reality of society, hiding from all its trappings and problems. They hate it because hating it, these people, these corporations, governments, and institutions, in hating them, that is easier than accepting them, is easier than accepting themselves and the choices they have made within these systems.
Write your story! Get those feelings out. But I compel you to be brutally honest. Don’t take the easy road, and you will be rewarded in many ways.
I have so many ideas idk where to start with stories. The obvious answer is to jump in.
I do have an idea for a group of people who meet and workshop bombs. They’re disgruntled people who seek retribution against society, but they don’t see they’re the problem. It’s sort what you were getting at at 6. I’m thinking one character could be racist. Another incel. I even mentioned it on plot spoiler. It’s like liminal spaces. That’s what gave me the idea.
I feel what you’re saying for the most part. But isn’t justice retribution? If you kill someone and go to prison, isn’t that retribution?
Retribution is a loaded word. Retribution usually pertains to violence against a person or system. It’s why we have different words.
Here’s the definition of retribution:
Retribution is the act of administering a deserved, often severe punishment in return for a wrong or injury. It is closely tied to the concepts of vengeance, payback, and getting even, serving as a way to "balance the scales" for an offense.
Here’s the definition of justice:
Justice is the ethical and philosophical principle that individuals should be treated impartially, fairly, and equitably. It is the foundation of moral behavior, social order, and the law, ensuring people receive what they are due and are held appropriately accountable for their actions.
I feel retribution is acted out of fear, where justice is acted out of understanding (in the best case scenario obviously).
Where does the desire for retribution come? Like I said, there are things in society that I see that need punishment. First I have to punish myself. Before you can punish someone else you have to punish yourself.
Retribution yet again is rooted in fear. Fear that we need to make an example of one person or a group of people, because we fear that if we do not make an example of them, the issue will come again. So we are again acting out of fear that this thing will happen to US again. The problem with this type of action is that it assumes it will stop humans from doing what they will always do. We act out of fear, out of a desire for retribution, because we think that, in doing so, we have power over an uncontrollable universe.
This does not mean justice or accountability cannot be attained, but I believe they are different from retribution.
Do you have to fear someone to hate them? I hated the people I worked with, but wasn’t afraid of them.
You may not think you fear them, but you fear something they represent. I’ve found this to be the case for me. Usually, that hate for them is rooted in my fear that this person may hold some power over me, and that my money or status might be challenged. Or maybe they hold a social power, in which they play into my fears around love and friendship, that I won’t be liked. So, usually for me, when I think I hate them (which there still may be an aspect of them I dislike), when I examine it, they usually show me where fear has rooted itself in my body and mind a long, long time ago. My fear of them might have absolutely nothing to do with them, but manifests through them.
But if there’s good reason to hate someone? Sometimes people are pieces of shit. Sometimes they do need to be punished. Sometimes there does need to be retribution
Some people are not great people; this is a fact. Usually, their own actions are rooted in fear as well. So when we can realize this, we can have compassion for them. We can see they are like us, just another naked little chimp walking this planet in fear.
I’m reminded of a podcast I used to listen to, run by a few inmates at a prison. In one episode, they interviewed sexual predators, specifically child sexual predators. When I heard these men, these predators, talk about what had happened to them, what had shaped their psyches, I could feel compassion for them. This does not mean I condone their actions, but it means I could understand that they weren’t just born into the world “Evil.” People, systems, and societies shaped them along the way. Fear shaped them.
One of the men said he had been put up for parole a few years ago, and he declined it, not because he didn’t think he had come a long way emotionally through intensive therapy, but because he knew through that therapy he would never fully be absolved of those feelings. So he told the parole board, “I know if you let me out, I will do these things again. So I ask you to keep me in here, for everyone’s safety.”
Justice has been done to this man, and I feel for the families directly affected by whatever action he no doubt took on people connected to them. Still, I can see that he is a human, a very flawed one, yes, but just another human who is trying to navigate this very complicated existence.
Now, once again, this does not mean we do not get to act out of power. Now we get to act out of true power, the compassion and understanding that these people are not just purely evil, that they are flawed humans just like us, acting out of their own fears and insecurities, and now absolved of our fear of them, recognizing how they represent our deep-rooted fears, we can protect ourselves not just with healthy physical boundaries but mental ones as well.
To quote David Lynch, “Fix your hearts or die.”
And for some it feels so much better to hate than love cause there’s power in hate. There’s an invincibility to the feeling that hate gives there hater. Love is hard because it takes vulnerability, vulnerability is what a lot of people are afraid of.
I would argue that people think there is power in hate, but to hate something or someone, you need to think about it/them constantly. You need to be consumed by it in every fiber of your being. And so then in the end, the thing you hate then controls you, has the power, the upper hand, and therein lies the lie of the power of hate.
I can relate to 6. It feels good to hate other people and things when really that is inward. When someone has that much hate they usually hate themselves.
And I know I have a bad attitude, but there’s things in society that I can’t help but notice need punishing. There needs to be retribution.